And don’t come back

After describing Britain as "mosque-drenched", progressives don't need persuading. Jeremy Clarkson should follow his own advice and leave Britain.

Progressives don’t need persuading. Jeremy Clarkson should follow his own advice and leave the country.

After describing Britain as “mosque-drenched” and denouncing Albanians for taking university places and stealing wheelbarrows in his Sunday Times column yesterday, Jeremy Clarkson went on an extraordinary diatribe about his emigration options:

“You can’t go to France because you need to complete 17 forms in triplicate every time you want to build a greenhouse, and you can’t go to Switzerland because you will be reported to your neighbours by the police and subsequently shot in the head if you don’t sweep your lawn properly, and you can’t go to Italy because you’ll soon tire of waking up in the morning to find a horse’s head in your bed because you forgot to give a man called Don a bundle of used notes for “organising” a plumber.

“You can’t go to Australia because it’s full of things that will eat you, you can’t go to New Zealand because they don’t accept anyone who is more than 40 and you can’t go to Monte Carlo because they don’t accept anyone who has less than 40 mill. And you can’t go to Spain because you’re not called Del and you weren’t involved in the Walthamstow blag. And you can’t go to Germany … because you just can’t.

Do we have to go on? Oh alright then:

“The Caribbean sounds tempting, but there is no work, which means that one day, whether you like it or not, you’ll end up like all the other expats, with a nose like a burst beetroot, wondering if it’s okay to have a small sharpener at 10 in the morning. And, as I keep explaining to my daughter, we can’t go to America because if you catch a cold over there, the health system is designed in such a way that you end up without a house. Or dead.

“Canada’s full of people pretending to be French, South Africa’s too risky, Russia’s worse and everywhere else is too full of snow, too full of flies or too full of people who want to cut your head off on the internet.”

Frankly, Jeremy, we don’t care where you end up so long as you leave and do so quickly.

26 Responses to “And don’t come back”

  1. Owen

    In general terms I’d be more than happy to see the back of Clarkson – he’s a total knob. But I don’t think the stuff you’ve quoted is the best example of that. It’s clearly meant to be a joke – most of the stuff you’ve put in bold makes that especially clear. And I can’t see anything for any decent leftwinger to object to in his assessment of the present state of the US healthcare system. But maybe I’m missing something.

  2. Avatar photo


    Good to have a decent debate here but let’s keep it nice. I had to remove a comment from our friend Billy the Kid for calling another commenter a “liar”. There’s no reason for that.

    And in case anyone thinks I’ve had a complete sense of humour bypass: Of course there are some humourous elements to Clarkson’s article but calling Britain “mosque-drenched” is not on. And clearly plenty of people agree from the comments above, on facebook, and on twitter.

  3. Owen

    No, saying Britain’s mosque-drenched isn’t acceptable, I’d agree with you there. Do you have another link to the article? It seems to have been pulled from the Times site.

  4. sarah

    He hasn’t changed much since the totally unneccessary comments he made about Gordon Brown’s eyesight, then.

  5. Anon E Mouse

    Yes nice one Will – why not remove his ‘liar’ bit from his points and not his whole set of comments? Basically this blog has just turned into some Derek Draper kind of ‘controlled space New Labour love in’. Shame.

    Coming here after seeing you on Sky News I’m disappointed by this and expected you to be more objective.

    Owen uses words like “total knob” and that’s ok?

    “Liar” it seems is a very applicable word with smears as Billy mentioned against David Cameron the week his disabled son died used by Gordon and his cohorts.

    David Kelly being smeared and killing himself got a mention and the Gurkha’s as well. All valid complaints about this government and to some the lack of helicopters when the Generals on the ground say we need them to protect our troops is also disgraceful and yet when Billy mentions it you act as judge and jury and censor it on the lame excuse that “liar” is unacceptable?

    There are 13 helicopters in a country with 9000 of our troops and in an area the size of Wales. If Brown says that is enough what is it if not “untruthful”?

    Also WMD and the deaths of 100,000 civilians killed in Iraq in the Labour government’s illegal war and GB spending thousands of pounds of our money on his cleaning bill after ‘still’ not sorting out the poor in the 10p tax thing.

    Billy also mentioned the fact Jeremy Clarkson has raised millions of pounds for the troops “Help for Heroes” charity. Gordon shows disrespect at the ceremony on Sunday but can write to X Factor to check on Susan Boyle and a footballer who missed a goal.

    And you remove comments from your blog because someone with freedom of speech is horrified by the way this government behaves?

    Shame on you Will and I bet this doesn’t get displayed either….

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