UK not performing too well in the GDP growth championship

Explaining Britain's abysmally low growth, Ann Pettifor pushes a metaphor to its logical conclusion.

Team UK coach Georgie “Best” Osborne blamed the opposition and tournament organisers for the UK’s shocking performance over the last year, with the UK team sitting third from bottom in the GDP Euro League – just above Greece and Cyprus.

He complained:

“We felt our defensive austerity tactics would pay dividends against more stimulated opponents, but then they all started to use the same negative growth tactics and that gave them an unfair advantage over us. But the other teams can and must learn a great deal from Team UK’s recent performance.”

The UK Youth Team has also hit a bad patch, which Under-24s coach Chris Grayling likewise blames on the other European teams.

He said:

“Our latest results show just how much our team’s confidence is being affected by the crisis in the Euro League, our European partners must take urgent action to stabilise the position.”

Meanwhile German coach Angela Deutschmerkel told her home fans that the EU League’s rulebook needed to be tightened up, and hinted that some teams might be expelled from the league altogether if they did not accept her proposed rule changes.

The league table for Q3 2011:

The league table for Q2 2011:

See also:

Osborne set to borrow billions more than Darling was projected toDaniel Elton, November 16th 2011

Unemployment is no better for the Scottish government than for the British oneMatthew Pitt, November 16th 2011

Million young unemployed figure highlights enormity of the situation hitting our youthRory Weal, November 16th 2011

Inflation is worse for the worst offAlex Hern, November 6th 2011

Misery on the rise, while demand for jobs is fallingRichard Exell, June 8th 2011

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