Relax: Daily Mail says stop worrying and get some sleep

Scariest paper says take a chill pill

 

Worries keeping you up at night? Never fear, the Daily Mail has a pill for that.

Today’s front page reads:

How to stop your WORRIES keeping you awake at night

One week insomnia cure

Why might Daily Mail readers be so worried they can’t sleep?

Sticking to the ‘one week’ formula, here are some recent Daily Mail headlines. From yesterday’s front page:

MURDERER WHO GOT AWAY

Happy Valentine’s.

On Friday:

Town Halls plan 5 per cent rises to pay for social care… AND we’ll pay more for parking, school meals and even burials.

COUNCIL TAX BILLS TO LEAP

Mmm. Feeling relaxed yet?

Last Tuesday:

As social care crisis here leaves woman of 89 stranded on ward for SIX months…

YOUR AID MILLIONS TO HELP ELDERLY IN CHINA

‘China’ there to be read in the soothing tones of Donald Trump, (‘CHAye-Nah’).

So to today’s

PLASTIC BOTTLE BETRAYAL 

This is the paper that warned ‘foreign truckers’ are coming to run you over, that blood transfusions can give you Alzheimer’s, that IVF might give you cancer, and that migrants might be hiding in your car.

Or, in my personal favourite, said:

You can’t switch them off. They’re packed with inflammable insulation that can give off toxic gas. Meet the most dangerous appliance of all…

Could your fridge burn your house down?

Maybe instead of a pill, Mail readers could just read something less terrifying? A Stephen King novel, perhaps.

Adam Barnett is staff writer for Left Foot Forward. Follow him on Twitter @AdamBarnett13 

See: IPSO rules Daily Express ’98 per cent’ Brexit poll was bogus

One Response to “Relax: Daily Mail says stop worrying and get some sleep”

  1. Will

    Dear Mail readers, is Drumph lifting up his wife’s trousers in the last picture or were they made that short?
    Answers to the editor please so we can all have histerics and therefore get a good night’s sleep!

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