Dear Sajid Javid: Here’s a draft ‘oath of allegiance’ to British values

Would the Tories have public office holders swear to this?

 

“We can’t expect new arrivals to embrace British values if those of us who are already here don’t do so, and such an oath would go a long way towards making that happen.” – Sajid Javid, Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government, December 18, The Sunday Times

 

An Oath of Allegiance to British Values (Draft – subject to SJ approval)

I, [name], do solemnly, sincerely and truly affirm and declare that, on becoming a holder of public office, I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, her heirs, and successors, according to law.

I swear to uphold my allegiance to British Values, as defined by the government of the day, which just happens to be run by Tories, who I like better than the other lot anyway. In affirming these values, based on the example of said Tories, I do solemnly swear;

  • to safeguard the rights and welfare of minorities by appointing a few of them to high office while adopting policies which disproportionately hurt members of said minority groups;
  • to protect the economic and social security of all British People by cutting their benefits and public services during a recession and then blaming the results on the European Union and immigrants;
  • to respect the national identity and devolved autonomy of the people of Scotland and then use the threat of Scottish rule to frighten people during a general election;
  • to further the rights of women and sexual equality by removing any obstacles such as a leadership contest or general election to one woman becoming Tory Prime Minister;
  • to defend the freedom of speech and privacy of every individual by monitoring their emails and phonecalls to ensure no-one is violating that privacy or saying anything naughty;
  • to protect the most vulnerable in society by checking they are not being ripped off by shirkers pretending to be disabled;
  • to build a more just society where no-one has to go abroad to stash their money at ridiculously low rates of taxation;
  • to uphold the freedom of the press by ensuring no press baron has to compete with a public broadcaster run by a bunch of North London communists;
  • to defend the founding principles of the National Health Service by messing around with it after promising not to, starting a fight with its future doctors, cracking down on its source of nurses and giving it just enough money not to collapse;
  • to support greater equality by ensuring every child has the opportunity to live near a selective school that saps talent and resources from their own while tax breaks help educate their future bosses and MPs at elite private ones;
  • to nurture aspiration by crushing the best vehicle for working people to organise and bargain collectively for better pay and conditions;
  • to conduct an ethical foreign policy based on the rule of trade and whatever makes the Saudis, Russians and Americans answer the phone;
  • to defend the interests of this country by gambling our future on a referendum for electoral purposes and resigning when it all goes horribly wrong;
  • to ensure poverty wages and second homelessness do not drive a desperate member of parliament into another profession before they’ve arranged for a lucrative consultancy;

[etc.]

Adam Barnett is staff writer for Left Foot Forward. Follow him on Twitter @AdamBarnett13 

See: David Davis admits Brexit plan isn’t ready. So why the urgency on Article 50?

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