David Cameron’s cost of living tips

Good Society

David Cameron believes people should wear a jumper to help them save on their energy bills this winter. That's not his only piece of bizarre cost of living advice.

#1. Baking Bad

David Cameron doesn’t have a clue about the price of a loaf because, he says, he bakes his own.

“You set the timer [of the bread-maker] overnight so when you wake up there is this wonderful smell wafting through your kitchen. It takes 30 seconds to put in the ingredients,” Cam said.

A Panasonic SD2500 Breadmaker costs £100 – pricey when inflation has been rising faster than wages for 39 of the last 40 months.

#2. Put a jumper on

British Gas announced yesterday that bills would go up by an average of 9.2 per cent for 8 million customers. Unwilling to do anything meaningful about rising gas bills, Cameron did have one piece of advice for pensioners feeling the chill this winter: wear a jumper.

“He is not going to prescribe the actions that individuals should take but if people are giving that advice that is something that people may wish to consider,” a spokesperson for David Cameron said.

#3. Let them use i-pads

If you’re finding retirement lonely, Cameron won’t provide you with better publicly funded social care, but instead will give you an i-Pad. This would provide lonely pensioners with a “link to the outside world” by allowing them to hold “video conferences with friends and family”, ministers have said.

A potentially good idea is hamstrung slightly by the fact that very few 90-year-olds know a thing about touch-screen tablets, e-mails and video conferencing.

#4. Fracking

Cameron believes that communities will receive £1 million each “immediately” from fracking. In reality, they will get £100,000 – a tenth of Cam’s estimate – if they allow fracking in their local area.

Don’t worry about the earth tremors, mind.

Perhaps it’s no surprise that David Cameron is officially the worst Prime Minister in recorded history on living standards

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8 Responses to “David Cameron’s cost of living tips”

  1. Sparky

    Let’s summarise your thinking. Old people are not able to learn anything new. Most old people are so poor that they can’t afford £10 a month Internet connection. Old people shouldn’t own anything worth £400 as it’ll just get stolen anyway. That is what you’ve said, isn’t it?

  2. Julie howard

    No it is not what I said, that is a very blunt and inaccurate version.
    I said that most elderly people would not be able to operate an iPad, this could be due to failing eyesight or difficulties with mental capacity, such as Alziemers. I did not say that all old people are incapable of learning anything new. Many in fact do, including degree courses and driving licences. Older people are at more of a risk when it comes to house burglaries than others, this is in fact a statistic, not a guess. When a great many pensioners have to make a choice between food, heating or internet, which do you think is going to nourish them or keep them warm? As someone who has worked with elderly people for a number of years in a care situation, I can honestly say out of forty five clients I would see each week only 2or 3 would be capable of operating an iPad, most cannot operate a mobile phone. So how do you think that an iPad will be of use in helping them take a bath or go to the toilet or shopping? Because that is what the cuts are really about.
    Those who are in need of a carer coming in on a daily basis are not capable of completing the many tasks that we take for granted, some of my clients have MS, dementia of varying degrees, mobility issues etc.

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